Star Wars: A Teaser Awakens Part II

“The Millenium Falcon Looks Awesome

Need I say more?”

Heck yeah, I do. I mean, come on, this is the trailer to the movie that succeeds Return of the friggin Jedi. In my opinion, this is the most significant thing to happen to Star Wars since 1983, when Return of the Jedi came out. There’s no way I’m going to stop talking about it. Heck, my wife’s already tired of it. I might as well make you tired of it too.

My last article about this matter was written mere hours after I saw the trailer. I’ve now had 72 hours of additional watching time and thinking time, in addition to hearing and watching the rest of the community react to it. I don’t like rehashing what other talented people are saying about this trailer, but I want to address a lot of the things that are being said. Oh and in my typical vein, I’m ignoring all the people that are saying that the trailer sucks or whatever. I don’t care if you’re a Star Wars fan or not, that trailer looks good and should get you psyched. If you’re not at least mildly interested in the movie after seeing it, then you’re simply an asshole or you’re not human. Either way, I don’t care what you have to say. Sorry, it’s rough, but you know I’m right. Besides, if I’m declaring it Good Stuff, then that means it is.

But maybe I can be vindicated in the fact that Andy Serkus has been confirmed to be the voice of the narrator. It was actually a rare opinion back when the trailer first launched. Apparently most people thought it was Benedict Cumberbatch. Okay. I can see that.

The Lightsaber of Dubious Prospect


I ended my last article on this guy, but anyone who’s seen Twitter blow up over the last few days should know that this is the most pressing thing on people’s mind. This friggin lightsaber. Okay, before I go into all the complaints about how impractical it is or whatever…/me takes a few breaths…okay, I’d like to talk about a piece of information that was glaring in my face and I didn’t even realize. I saw that this lightsaber was a bit weird looking, maybe a bit ancient, or something, but I kinda lumped it into the realm that this was some sort of ancient artifact and they were going after that new thinner lightsaber style they’ve been showing off in Star Wars: Rebels.

But I never really noticed the different in sound! Thinking about it now, it seems like such a ridiculously glaring oversight. Especially since J.J. Abrams put in a normal sounding lightsaber (albeit a bit soft) in the end of the trailer. Listen to the below clip I’ve compiled. The new/old lightsaber that Mr. Sith is carrying is first, followed by the normal sounding lightsaber at the end.

That first lightsaber almost sounds a bit wrong, right? Maybe overcharged or overclocked or something? It sounds like a monster being unleashed, growling once with the main blade, and a higher pitched growl with the cross guards igniting. A lot of people are saying that it sounds sick or somehow defective. To me, if it sounds sick, it’s because it’s pushing out more power than it’s supposed to. It sounds like a much more powerful lightsaber. But sound’s all we can go for here. We don’t see another lightsaber in the trailer, and I can only assume that sabers will look different in the movie. Will other lightsabers light up in that same flame-blade style, where the light seems to flicker and swipe at the air? I dunno. It’s really weird, and I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t even notice it during my first 30 times watching the trailer.

This doesn’t really change my theory about the guy wielding it, but I wanted to go a bit more in depth on my theory for the purposes of further explaination. The rumors that have been flying around on the internet are suggesting that Adam Driver’s character, presumably this villain, is someone who’s obsessed with the past and with long past historical Sith figures. This totally makes sense, because I can only assume that this guy is alone in this galaxy. There is no Palpatine. There is no Darth Vader. There may be these Jedi-hunting Inquisitors that we’ve been introduced to in Rebels, but for all intents and purposes, we should assume that Palpatine and Vader kept up to date with the “Rule of Two,” and made sure that no competition existed in the galaxy. With the new movie taking place 30 years after Return, this guys a newbie with no real master to train him, lord over him, or wonder and fear about him.

And honestly, this can be what makes this guy so friggin terrifying. By my assumption, this is a man who has taken it upon himself to learn from previous masters. He sought out the texts, tombs, and knowledge of those seriously powerful Sith before him, and probably taught himself everything he wanted to know as a Sith. Part of the conceit of the Rule of Two is that the apprentice motivates himself by targeting his master’s destruction. However, what we’ve seen is that there has been a progressive lessening of power between generations. Plageuis was so powerful that he was able to prevent death and even reverse it. But while Palpatine tempted Anakin with this power, he was seemingly never able to achieve it, and thus only killed his master by killing him in his sleep. Vader was powerful as a Jedi, but even at his best, he wasn’t nearly powerful enough to take on Palpatine. He only managed to kill him because Palpatine was distracted with his son and also trusted his faithful servant. Even worse, Vader managed to kill himself while doing it. So what that all means is that the desire for revenge has only distracted potential Sith instead of empowering them. However, that leaves this guy with unfettered access to ancient lore, ancient teachings and techniques from Sith of Plageuis’ caliber or higher. He’s had no master to tie him down. Nothing but the desire for power fueling him.

Now, I also understand it’s totally possible for this guy to be some sort of awakened Sith lord like Darth Bane raised into a physical form or something. Maybe Luke becomes so powerful that the force raises up a Sith Lord for the purposes of balance. That would explain why the saber seems somehow unstable, because it’s as old as dirt. However, I hope that’s not the case. I want the mechanations of the Force to be more subtle and more natural, rather than straight up raising a guy from the dead. The rumors we’ve heard seem to point towards my interpretation, but we’ll never know. But I do recognize this as a legitimate possibility.

That makes him really dangerous. But it explains why this guy has such a weird saber. He’s starting a new generation of Sith. He’s not like the Sith we know, but might be like someone much older. That means one of two things: 1. The lightsaber is an ancient lightsaber that he took from someone’s tomb. 2. He built this one himself, and it’s weird because he had no training. Honestly, I’m more willing to follow the rumors and accept that this is some sort of ancient lightsaber that he chose purposefully either because it was more powerful or because it meant something to him. Once again, we can go back to the argument that this lightsaber is somehow weaker or sick, which I disagree with, but I’d rather like to think that any villain J.J. creates is smarter than to use a shitty lightsaber. I mean come on, guys.

Is the New Lightsaber Dumb?

Okay, I lied. I’ll deal with one of the stupid comments people have been making about this trailer. A large portion of the internet is saying that this broadsword-style saber is dumb because one would easily stab themselves in the hand or the chest by using a sword with lightsaber cross guards.

My response is: Only if you’re a friggin moron. I mean, come on, this is Star Wars. These superhuman beings have been flailing lightblades that chop off and stab everything they come in contact with for 6 movies and two TV series now. And now, when they deviate from the standard Katana-style saber and introduce something new, you complain about safety. Really? There was nothing stopping people from chopping off hands before.

Clearly I have no patience for these kind of arguments against a fantasy universe, but even still, I will address them. I would like to present you the following evidence. This is a fencing duel, but still works to demonstrate how this new lightsaber, analogus to a Claymore, would work with a traditional lightsaber, fairly analogous to a broadsword.


First of all, check out the size of that hilt. Claymores, and also this new lightsaber, both have huge hilts so they can be comfortably held with both hands without get stuck against the cross guard. This is how large two-handed swords are used…away from the cross guard.

Secondly, see how much Mr. Broadsword has to dance around that claymore? That’s because the chief advantage of a big weapon like that is its reach. If you’re using a claymore and you’re getting yourself in a situation in which your cross guard can either a). get into your opponent’s reach, or b). get slammed against your chest, you’re doing it wrong. With a giant lightsaber like what this guy is wielding, he will be keeping his opponent as far away as possible so that he can take all the full advantages that a sword like this will offer him. If anything happens like what these nay-sayers are saying, he simply fails at using the sword.

So no. I don’t think this lightsaber is stupid. First of all, it’s Star Wars. A friggin fantasy world. Relax with the realism. Secondly, you’re dumb. So stahp bitching.

The New Triumvirate

So, let’s talk about what wasn’t shown off in this trailer. Any original cast members. At all. No Han, no Leia, no Luke, no Chewie. We’ve been told their coming, but they weren’t shown off in the trailer.

I find that interesting and actually quite refreshing. That shows that J.J. is getting bold with this movie. He’s not wanting to handicap it by binding it to the original triumvirate of Han, Luke, and Leia. These characters will probably play initially important roles, but I have a feeling that the batons will be handed off either within this movie or at the latest, early in the second movie.

Instead, the trailer decided to focus on the new triumvirate. The new generation of Star Wars heroes will apparently be John Boyega, Oscar Isaac, and Daisy Ridley. I wouldn’t deign to try to fit the boys with their respective counterpart, because I think these will be very different characters. Will John Boyega or Oscar Isaac be a Jedi? I kinda doubt it. If anyone’s going to be a Jedi, at this point I’d guess it to be Daisy Ridley. We’ve only see a bit part with her, but her expression is intense and she looks like she can hold her own in the same way that Leia held her own with a sausage fest in A New Hope.

And if J.J. is going to concentrate on new cast members, that might mean that we won’t see a Star Wars movie like the awful cheesy fan serve that was Star Trek: Into Darkness.

A Quick Note About the Music

Did you notice the music? Of course you recognized the opening crawl theme at the end. But what about that beginning music?

As many have pointed out, it’s very similar to the music as Luke is getting pushed onto the plank on Jabba’s Sailbage in Return of the Jedi. But it’s not the same. You know that music, right? You get those soft high violins as the sailbarge flies up on the sand, followed by a *Bum* every time someone gets into position, but all the while, those violins are playing more and more tense until finally, Luke jumps off the plank, bounces back, and that glorious Force theme explodes into the scene.

Well, this theme seems to play on our emotions a bit more. The violins are faster, more tense, the *bum*’s resound less often, and it in the end, it just drops off into nothing as Andy Serkus says, “And the Light.” But then, instead of the glorious Force theme, we get the opening crawl music. It’s just as glorious, so I guess it has the same effect, but the tensity is longer and more drawn out. It makes you feel like shit’s going to hit the fan with this movie. And I think that’s important as a final note to this second article. I think this is going to be a really emotional and intense movie. But it’s going to have to be. This is going to be a trilogy afterall.

It’s Going to Be A Long Wait

So that’s all I have for now. I talked about a lot of my trailer thoughts on the first article, so you should check it out if you haven’t yet. This was just a way for me to talk about some things I can across in the last 72 hours or so. Since this is Star Wars, I haven’t stopped watching it, thinking about it, or talking about it, so it’s still likely I might post more articles in the future.

But all I have to say is damn, this is going to be long year. May December 18th come soon.

Mike Lohnash